Entering my mid-30’s and still not pregnant

fertility

This week I turned 34!!

Despite the odd title, I’m really thrilled to be in my mid-30’s. But as a woman in my mid-30’s who is trying to get pregnant, fertility is something that I do think about.

Our baby-making journey has been quite rocky, but this is also a neat time. I feel the gravity of it all. Whether we can conceive or not, I think I will always remember this period in our lives fondly.

We started trying last October, after I passed my probation period at work. Like literally right away, on the day my permanent work contract took hold! I know, we are romantic. But seriously, the timing just worked out well. šŸ˜‰

Us trying was against the advice of Martin’s doctor, who advised us to wait at least another year because Martin was still recovering from chemo. But we had waited 1-year already, and decided that was good enough. Different doctors give different advice, and after reading some studies on our own, waiting 1 year was fine for us risk-wise.

I naively assumed that once we began trying, that I would get pregnant right away. I guess it’s because everything I’ve ever put my effort into, I’ve gotten results. I’m finding it’s not always like that with baby-making though.

We had 2 false alarms during our the last 12 months, which were emotionally trying and stressful. But overall, also fine.

Martin was also recently re-diagnosed with cancer, which had us immediately switch our focus to changing our lifestyle to support a natural cancer healing path.

Now we are in the throes of me switching to a freelancing career (in hopes of supporting both of us financially in the future), and moving to a different city. In between all of this, we have 5 family members visiting from Canada and Asia. It’s going to be a whirlwind of travel for the next 4 weeks, which is bad timing but was planned and paid for earlier this year, and just happens to land now.

I can see that our lives are just too packed, and we need to wind down from the stress of everything that’s going on right now. We need some downtime to relax our minds and bodies first.

We’re also in contact with a fertility clinic and had said that if we tried naturally for a year and didn’t get pregnant, that we’d consider doing IVF or some other type of fertility treatment.

But now that we’re healing cancer naturally, it only seems logical to also try a more natural approach with fertility. I’ve done minor research on it, and no surprise to me, it’s very similar to natural cancer healing. Meaning taking a holistic approach by eating healthy, exercising, and reducing stress. This is to give your body the necessary tools so that it can heal itself, which is what he body is built to do.

I foresee us continuing doing what we’re doing, but getting better at reducing the stress which is our biggest problem now. If we get pregnant, that would be fantastic! If not, that’s also fine. I’m still on the fence about whether I want to have kids or not, but Martin wants kids and I’m up for trying! It’s not that I don’t want kids, it’s just that I’m confused about it. It’s complicated.

This is how I’m living my mid-30’s, and I’m pretty happy about it. šŸ˜€

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8 thoughts on “Entering my mid-30’s and still not pregnant

  1. I’m sorry to hear that the path to parenthood isn’t proving straightforward. My brother and his wife had trouble initially (now they have four children thanks to IVF!) and we found it really sad to see trash families with more kids than they want when we knew that my brother and his wife would make great parents and weren’t able to have any kids at all. With any luck it will happen soon enough for you guys.

    We are on the other end of the spectrum where we are thinking about a procedure to ensure that we don’t have any more kids. I know that there’s a non surgical solution to that problem (i.e. no funny business at all) but we will probably just go with the surgery!

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    • It’s okay to me that the path is a bit difficult, but it’s harder for Martin. He has a lot on his plate right now. We still have time to go the IVF route, but I’d like to keep things simple and continue what we’re doing and hope for the best.

      P.S. Abstinence for birth control is not really an option! But you knew that already. šŸ˜› Wish you and/or your wife a smooth surgery and recovery.

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  2. A close friend of mine who is in the same age range is dealing with this same question of whether to do IVF or go the natural route. (We know we don’t want kids, so we’re focused on making sure they don’t accidentally happen! — the other end of the spectrum!) šŸ™‚ I hope, for your sake, you don’t feel pressure to get pregnant, especially given that you have more than enough stress in your life at the moment! And especially especially if you feel like you’re on the fence about having kids. That alone is enough to add enough stress which would make it hard for your body to conceive. Can you spend some time making sure you know how you feel, and put off trying to get pregnant until you’re sure?

    Hope Martin is doing well!

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    • My personality type is often on the fence about having kids, but also finds great meaning in raising a family once they do have kids. So this is normal fare for me. I do think about it a lot, and certainly I do feel pressure as a 34 year old woman! But I know that at this point in my life, I’m the most equipped I’ve ever been to have and raise kids emotionally and financially. Because I’m on the fence, it also makes it easier to not have kids since I can equally imagine my life without. Which makes this whole conception journey easier, even though it may seem confusing. I acknowledge that it is a selfish endeavour on my part, which is probably the biggest part I grapple with. But it’s always rooted in selfishness to decide to have kids. Otherwise people wouldn’t have kids, or would adopt. Adoption is also on the table for me, though I haven’t researched it much yet.

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  3. Hi Jess! As I was reading your post, I felt like it was something I could have written a little over 2 years ago! It took a year and a half for us to conceive and honestly, it happened at a time when I least expected it – I had stopped thinking about it altogether! It also happened at a time when we had a LOT going on (getting our second dog, bought our first house, big trip…). When it rains, it pours! I had decided not to go the IVF route at the time, I did not want kids that badly and it sounded physically and emotionally stressful. I don’t know if I would have changed my mind down the road. I also understand your confusion about whether you want to have kids or not (funny enough, I am going through the similar feelings about whether to try for a second in the future). It sounds like you both are in a good place financially and more importantly in a solid relationship, so all the best!

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    • I hear that so much DJ! About people forgetting about it and then suddenly BAM – pregnant. I’m not really sure that can happen to me, as I can’t really NOT think about it. But your story is sweet and encouraging. Perhaps you and MC can decide on a potential second child in the same way – by going with the flow. Best of luck to you too!

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