Well, I am stressed.
Sorry to put that on you, but as an introvert, I prefer to write about it rather than talk about it.
Which is a problem, because this is the week my boss is back from vacation, and the week I’ll have to talk about my job, and my plans, and my situation.
The situation is that I’m quitting my job because my husband has cancer.
And I don’t want to talk about it. At least not at work.
Because every time I talk about it, I cry. I feel too vulnerable, and that’s NOT how the reality is.
And who the heck wants to cry at work?!?!
I’ve already cried to one boss, and he now walks by my office very gingerly and speaks to me way too gently. He is otherwise, a very direct (but kind) person. I don’t need these kid gloves!
Mr. G and I are doing well. We are eating well, physically active (we try to be given our schedules), and have a plan that empowers us.
So while the people I work with (the few who know my situation) are thinking I’m super fragile because my husband has cancer, I’m actually super fragile because I have to make hard decisions about my career and life.
Of course, Mr. G takes front and centre. But as I am positive he will be well soon, I’m more worried about how I can have a career while (essentially) being a house wife and living in a small town.
I am not the house wife type! I have tried really hard before to make it work, but it drives me nuts. Plus my career is going really well right now, making it hard to leave.
But, I also know my career will always be second to my family life. Which is why it’s so ‘easy’ to quit.
To be honest, I want it all. I want the career, the money, the balance, the socializing, and the health. And what I am realizing now, is that I can’t have it all. Which is the painful part.